How to Live with Chronic Illness? — A Question I Get Asked A Lot
I am frequently asked, “how do you do it?”, or “what keeps you going, despite chronic pain?”. In all honesty, there is nothing mysterious or inspiring in what I’m about to share in this post. Rather, it’s just a simple life philosophy, or a constant return to a single question — “what does life expect from me, in this very moment?”.
“It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us.” (Frankl, 1946/2006)
Note: This post is written as part of the September 2026 linkup. The five writing prompts are: Asking, Overthinking, Humbling, Valuing, and Reclaiming. You're more than welcome to pick at least three prompts to write about in any style you like, and join us here 😊
*Disclaimer: This article is meant for educational purposes, and is based on my personal experiences as a patient. I am not a doctor, and nothing in this article should be substituted for medical advice. Please consult your own doctor before changing or adding any new treatment protocols. This post may also contain affiliate links. It will cost you nothing to click on them. I will get a small referral fee from purchases you make, which helps with the maintenance of this blog. Read our Privacy Policy page for more information. Thank you!
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That Rhetorical Question is Based on Viktor Frankl’s Framework on Logotherapy
According to the Viktor Frankl Institute of Logotherapy:
“Viktor Frankl’s Logotherapy is both a life philosophy and treatment modality. As a philosophy it focuses on the meaning of human existence and on man’s search for such meaning. As a therapy it focuses on finding healing through finding meaning.”
I will further explain what the rhetorical question, “what does life expect from me, in this very moment?”, means to me below — how it helps me to live with chronic illness, and navigate difficult days and unpredictabilities.
Approaching Life from a Position of Humility
First, I believe that question — “what does life expect from me, in this very moment?” — is approached from a position of humility at its essence. Contrary to common belief, being humble does not equate to low self-worth, self-esteem, or a lack of confidence. In fact, I would rate my level of self-worth now to be higher than it was 20 years ago; partly due to age, yes, but also because of the life lessons I’ve had to learn from being chronically ill.
In general, I’ve found overconfident people who lack humility to actually be wanting in self-worth, yet aren’t even aware of that fact themselves (or don’t want to admit to it). On the other hand, the humblest people I personally know have a very stable core of self-worth — external opinions do not destabilise what they already know to be their worth as a human being; they have nothing to prove, and no one they need to prove it to.
Here are some of my favourite quotes on humility which emphasise this point:
“Humble enough to know I can be replaced. Wise enough to know that there is nobody else like me.” — Unknown
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” — Rick Warren
I am Not that Special, Nor am I at the Centre of the Universe
I like to approach a problem or pain with the sobering and humbling thought, “I am not that special”, or “I’m not at the centre of the universe”. My mantra in life is simply to “get up and carry on”. Don’t get me wrong — I am not being cold or self-defeatist, and am aware that I will still be in great pain no matter what mindset I lean towards — be it positive or negative.
Such thoughts comfort me because they remind me that I’m not alone out there, and that life is bigger than my pain. To know that there is still beauty in this world despite my pain helps me to endure it with more grace. Perhaps it is to not let myself become bitter, because chronic pain has a tendency to shrink a person’s entire world. Instead, it helps me to expand my world, and when the ‘world’ expands, there is space for beauty, endurance, and life.
“Life waiting for them to actualize values implies that the ‘I’ is not in the center, rather, values are in the center.” — Viktor Frankl Institute of Logotherapy in Israel
I Believe that I Have a Duty to Life
Sometimes, I paraphrase the question, “what does life expect from me, in this very moment?”, to “what does life demand of me right now?”. This is not as drab or dreary as it sounds, because I believe that life always demands the best out of us.
It demands that we fulfil our potential as human beings, it demands that we survive this tough moment to get there, and it reminds us that we have a role to play in the grand scheme of the universe. We may just be a speck, but a speck can still sparkle for ages.
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I Just Get Through the Pain Without Overthinking
In one of the roundups I did where 40 people with chronic illness shared their best pain management tips, Julie Holliday said something that I found and still find very insightful:
“Accept it, allow the emotions it triggers, but be careful to not add any meaning to it about what it means for the future. Then, to distract myself and make myself as comfortable as possible while I wait for the worst to pass.”
We often tend to overthink when we’re in the throes of pain, and start to imagine doomsday scenarios for the future. Yet, we often fail to account for the fact that we are feeling at our worst in that particular moment. Thus, whatever negativity we are overloading our mind with during those moments isn’t the entire truth. When that period of agony passes, we tend to regain mental stamina and thus, feel more capable and independent again. The mental is tied to the physical, and vice versa.
I would even go on to add that the higher the pain levels, the more you need to untangle yourself from the danger of giving the pain too much weight. What you need to do is to simply survive the episode. Come out on the other side, take a breather, then look around you again to recalibrate.
I Don’t Absorb Emotions Until I Need to
I guess ‘emotions’ and ‘thoughts’ are two sides of the same coin. I’m not sure if this is an entirely good thing, but I’ve learned not to absorb emotions until I need to. That is because I find emotional pain to be much worse than physical pain, so a higher level of internal energy is consumed — something I'm already in short supply of. Any sort of stress, whether of a psychological or physical nature, always triggers a pain flare.
I Don’t Expect Others to Understand My Pain
I would also say that I’m a very compassionate person, but not empathetic. The reasoning behind it is that no one can truly understand another person’s pain, or put themselves in another person’s shoes — so why waste energy imagining it? But if I’m able to “show up” for a person — I will try my very best to do so.
As such, I don’t expect people to ‘get’ how much pain I’m in, because such expectations bear the risk of disappointment. I explain my situation and need for accommodations, but also acknowledge that chronic pain is impossible for others to grasp.
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I Think that Happiness is Overrated
Whilst I think that there is a kernel of truth to the phrase, “life is short, just be happy”, because many wise and kind old people have said it to me, I personally think that modern society places too much of a premium on the ‘achievement’ of happiness. As Thich Nhat Hanh states, “many people become unhappy in their search for happiness”.
I am not saying I want to remain miserable or that happiness is a bad thing. I am simply saying that happiness is not high on my list of life values or priorities. For some reason, this is confusing to many people, and they often try to ‘correct’ me by re-emphasising their phrase.
To me, who cares how long or short life is going to be? Happiness is not dependent on the length of one’s life. Besides, when you live with chronic pain — 24/7, 365 days a year — and especially when it flares up, happiness can be very abstract, and an elusive concept to chase. It is an unreliable and unstable element — a pop of glitter that explodes gloriously, then quickly fades away.
P.S. When Ragnar said to his son, Björn, in the TV series, “Vikings”, “who told you that you should be happy in life?”, I was like “yes!!!” 😆 And yes, I’m a huge fan of “Vikings”; I actually take inspiration from how Ragnar and Lagertha deal with hardships, and apply the mentalities in real life, too, even though it is from a fictional source. Whatever works, right? 😛
You Need to Survive Before You Can Thrive
I guess my mindset is quite base and evolutionary in this regard, because I am primarily focused on survival and self-preservation; chronic pain and a few near-death experiences have instilled that focus into me. My entire life thus far has been spent surviving and rebuilding, so I don’t know how to do otherwise.
However, regrowth and expansion can happen when the conditions become favourable — make that semi-favourable, because there is never a fully favourable time when you’re chronically ill. Exploring and gaining mastery in new life domains, such as fitness levels or education, bring me satisfaction or improve my quality of life in one way or another. These matter just as much as being happy in and of itself.
Apart from measurable outcomes, regrowth and expansion can be of a mental or spiritual nature, too. To be able to find or make meaning out of a difficult situation brings about positive emotional states that outlast happiness as well, such as peace or hope. (Hope reminds me of the Sandman playing Satan's game in hell, by the way 😉)
"A Hope in Hell" fight scene | The Sandman
Seeking Out Contentment with Chronic Illness Instead
I think the small but big difference I have been trying to highlight is the meaning of ‘happiness’ versus ‘contentment’. In this paper by McKenzie (2015), they sum it up as, “in its simplest form, happiness consists of positive affect and contentment consists of positive reflection”. Did you find that “simplest”? Because I didn’t 😆
Joke aside, I prefer this illustration on contentment from Greater Good magazine instead: “‘chokkshay’ is a ‘spiritual word’ that means ‘the knowledge of enough’”. (I also googled the language — Dzongkha in Bhutan). I also like the user, slayemin’s, take on the difference between happiness and contentment in this Reddit thread:
“You don't need happiness to be content.
Contentedness leads to happiness.
Happiness is elusive, while contentedness can be created.”
That is, I suppose, a 2026 way of paraphrasing what Frankl said as well, “happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.”
How Contentment Looks Like in Daily Life
If ‘contentment’ is the umbrella term, then the little things that matter in life are the network of roots that your own life is built upon.
The small, familiar comforts matter a great deal when you’re in pain. This can be seen as coming home to your own bed, or having a nice hot cup of tea at the end of the day, if that’s your thing. There is no need for excitement, elation, or special celebrations to end a day well, although they’re nice once in a while.
I think that healthy people don’t appreciate just how much “boring” is actually a blessing in disguise. In addition, when the good days do finally come around — as they always do — the taste is just that much sweeter.
The Little Comforts, Joys & Routines in My Own Daily Life
A few everyday routines that help to stabilise me are:
- My morning coffee and medications
- A hot shower in the evening
- Sorting out my Buffer/social media schedules for the week (I know, nerdy)
- Playing ball with my dog, Talisker, and brushing his fur every evening
From this short list, you can see that they’re very simple things and nothing fancy. The little comforts of such moments are enough for me, and most importantly, they bring me peace. They signal to me that another day has passed without incident, and when you live with the unpredictability of chronic illness — that is a win.
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I Believe That Love is an Endless Well
If there is one value or virtue in life that I hold dear, it is love. I have decided a long time ago that I will never close my heart up to people, even if I keep getting hurt or rejected. This is because I believe that love is an endless well I can draw from deep within me; there is always more to give. In fact, I know that I still have a lot more love left to give.
I am not sure if my Chinese name has anything to do with it, because it means “excellent love” 😆 Perhaps names do have meaning after all, but I digress. This belief helps me to navigate a world that is often unkind, unforgiving, and unreasonable; it all comes back down to a willingness to put myself out there in the world regardless — you never know what or who will answer in return.
To clarify two things — I do not expect love in return; I find joy in the act of giving instead. I guess that is why the phrase “unconditional love” exists. Also, being loving does not mean being a pushover. In fact, I need to tone down on my aggression towards incompetent medical staff 😛
I guess what I basically mean to say is that to me, “to love” is never the wrong choice.
“I’ll never harden my heart, but I’ve toughened the muscles around it.” — Dolly Parton
“Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality.” – Viktor Frankl
Led Zeppelin — Whole Lotta Love *Note: Contains some flashing lights.
The Right Medications Matter When You Live with Chronic Illness
I just wanted to insert a short section here on the importance of having the right medication cocktail, too. When I was young and dumb and proud, I avoided painkillers just to prove how ‘strong’ I was. I also didn’t seek out a psychiatrist, until I was begging for mental relief.
I learned over a decade that nobody really cares. Not in the sense that people do not support you, but rather, that you’re the only one who has to bear with the pain and consequences — be it mental or physical — and not someone else. So do what’s right by you.
How to Live with Chronic Illness is a Personal Construct You Need to Build for Yourself
In this post, I have shared my personal thoughts and approaches on how to live with chronic illness, and possibly even to reclaim some meaning despite it. Yet, I want to emphasise that “how to live a good life with chronic illness” is a personal construct — it is truly what you make of it.
What works for me is definitely not going to work for you in its entirety, but I hope it helps to add some tools or perspectives to your own toolkit. It is crucial to first understand and acknowledge your worth, limitations, strengths, needs and such, in order to live with chronic illness fully and purposefully, as is intended for you as an individual.
Where to Start if You’re Unsure of Where to Even Begin
If you’re still unsure about how to live with chronic illness, a good starting point is often tied to life values that you hold dear, such as kindness, loyalty or honesty. Whilst chronic illness can create barriers to traits that you value, such as independence or discipline, there may be ways to work around them with a bit of creativity, and a shift in perspective. When you release yourself from the trap of ‘perfect’, you will be astounded by how much further you can go.
Nobody gets everything they want in life. I repeat. Nobody gets everything they want in life. And when you live with chronic illness, ‘everything’ shrinks considerably more. That does not mean, however, that we cannot reclaim some meaning out of our experiences, in order to end our life journey on a note that we can be proud of. Many people who obtained what they thought they really wanted in life also got to their destination, only to realise that it wasn’t what they were actually seeking anyway.
You can read my post, “Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl: 16 Takeaways with Chronic Illness”, to gain more insight. This post by Antoine Buteau also has a great infographic and quotes from Frankl that sum things up. Also, many of the quotes in this post can be found on this page here.
All roads truly lead to Rome, so pick the one you find most scenic — or enjoyable or meaningful or fun…... pick the one you prefer to tread upon 😉
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