> ## Content Index
> Fetch the complete content index at: https://achronicvoice.com/llms.txt
> Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further.
# Loss of Identity with Chronic Illness & The Plot Twist: Sharpened Self-Worth
- URL: https://achronicvoice.com/loss-of-identity-chronic-illness/
- Published: 2022-06-13T06:12:44.000Z
- Updated: 2026-05-22T15:19:47.000Z
- Author: Sheryl Chan
- Tags: Personal Development, Mental Health, Chronic Illness, Disability
## Chronic Illness & The Inevitable Loss of Identity
Chronic illness has gnawed away at my self-identity, self-esteem and self-worth since it made its debut appearance in my life. Can I blame it? These are some of the best and juiciest cuts of a person. With the utterance of a single diagnosis - Antiphospholipid Syndrome - the doctor changed the course of my life forever.
I sat in shocked silence, as he prattled off a list of activities that I could no longer do, and foods that I could no longer eat. It was an immediate confiscation of my sporty, tomboyish, tough girl persona. Was I now relegated to the ranks of soft, crybaby girls? Weaker? Lesser? A typical girly girl?
*\*Disclaimer: This article is meant for educational purposes, and is based on my personal experiences as a patient. *I am not a doctor, and nothing in this article should be substituted for medical advice.* Please consult your own doctor before changing or adding *any* new treatment protocols. This post may also contain affiliate links. It will cost you nothing to click on them. I will get a small referral fee from purchases you make, which helps with the maintenance of this blog. Read our* [***Privacy Policy***](https://achronicvoice.com/privacy-policy/)*page for more information. Thank you!*
Pin to Your Chronic Illness & Self-Identity Boards:
Read Related Posts:
- [What It Feels Like to be Suddenly Disabled](https://achronicvoice.com/suddenly-disabled/)
- [The Annoying Thing About Living with Antiphospholipid Syndrome (My Personal Experiences)](https://achronicvoice.com/living-with-antiphospholipid-syndrome/)
- [An Experience from Hell: Pulmonary Embolism, DVTs & Antiphospholipid Syndrome](https://achronicvoice.com/pulmonary-embolism-dvts-antiphospholipid-syndrome/)
- [Finding Your Self Behind the Illness (Your Story Isn’t Over Yet)](https://achronicvoice.com/finding-self-behind-illness/)
## The Loss of Identity From Chronic Illness is a Form of Trauma
The loss of identity is usually a slow process, as you first try to keep things glued together with willpower fueled by cheap denial. It works in the beginning, but clogs up quickly and unpredictably.
After my first life-threatening health related incident, the comorbidities started to stack. I would either need to undergo another surgery, or a new diagnosis would be meted out every year. Slices of my humanity and pieces of my identity went along with them.
Trauma is often associated with war or abuse, but what is associated with both war and abuse? Pain, loss and the subsequent grief. The sense of having seen and experienced too much evil. The taste of how ugly life can be, and the feeling that your life is constantly under threat. The unfairness of it all. Chronic pain and chronic illness are also traumatic experiences, as a [consequence of cumulative adversity](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0277953699003998) (Alonzo, 2000).
Read Related Posts:
- [You Don’t Have to be Strong, Just a Little Stronger Than Before](https://achronicvoice.com/you-dont-have-to-be-strong/)
- [A Car Accident & A Song Gone Silent (How Life Lessons from Chronic Illness Tide Me Through)](https://achronicvoice.com/chronic-illness-life-lessons-accident-bird/)
- [The Savagery of Panic Attacks & The Saving Grace of Internet Friends](https://achronicvoice.com/panic-attacks-internet-friends/)
## **When Chronic Illness Becomes Your Identity**
Over the years, my [identity also started to blend with my chronic illnesses](https://www.changingfaces.org.uk/advice-guidance/mental-health-wellbeing/managing-loss-identity/) (Changing Faces, 2022). New people I met - colleagues, friends, a stranger at a party - only knew me as the ‘after’ chronic illness version. The one who couldn’t drink too much alcohol, and who left early at her own birthday party due to a pain flare. The one who had to keep working from home because she was in pain... again (*is she just using it as an excuse?*).
It was unfathomable to think of me as healthy, adventurous or sporty. My ‘true personality’ before all this happened. Some people even chuckle in amusement, as if I were telling a joke.
Pin to Your Identity, Chronic Illness & Mental Health Boards:
### The Impact of Steroid Therapy on Perceived Self-Identity
My young adult years passed by in a blur with most of my good memories shadowed by pain. So often I would try to step into my perceived persona only to have it fall apart, leaving me embarrassed and feeling very much like a fraud.
The steroid medication I was on only added to the confusion as I was still undergoing puberty. With so much hormones in play, it was difficult to sort all the emotions out. It also served to amplify the anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts. Until this day, I will never know how much of what I felt in my youth was due to steroids, and how much was from puberty.
Like any other young adult, I was trying to fit myself into the world. To find my clique, to own a slice of normality, to define who I was, and relate myself with certain figures and things. But I never fit in, except for the online space where I could meet others from around the world who were chronically ill like me.
Like any other person my age, I had relationships and experienced heartbreaks. I entered the career rat race, and slogged my ass off to be recognised. I was finding my place in the world - just like everyone else - with a huge, addon dose of tremendous pain.
Read Related Posts:
- [Depression After Knee Surgery & How to Cope](https://achronicvoice.com/depression-after-knee-surgery/)
- [What’s it Like to be on a High Dose of Steroids? (And the First Question You Will Definitely Ask)](https://achronicvoice.com/high-dose-steroids/)
- [Clinical Depression: Diagnosed 10 Years Late](https://achronicvoice.com/depression-diagnosed-late/)
- [A Page From a Sick Girl’s Diary: Sometimes I Wish I was an Old Person](https://achronicvoice.com/sick-girls-diary-wish-old-person/)
- [We Want to Have Fun Just Like You, But Here’s What it Takes](https://achronicvoice.com/want-to-have-fun-chronic-illness/)
## The Definition of Self-Worth & The Confusion with Self-Esteem
You might be surprised - or not - that the search volume on Google for ‘self-worth’ is significantly lower than ‘self-esteem’. The two terms are often used interchangeably, yet are two distinct concepts in psychology. Is this interchangeability for the mere sake of simplicity? Or do we, as a society at present, value confidence - or the appearance of it - over inherent value? Value that's often intangible and therefore, harder for others to attribute merit to?
I like [this definition of self-worth from Positive Psychology](https://positivepsychology.com/self-worth/) (Ackerman, 2018), and relate to it most:
> “Self-esteem is what we think and feel and believe about ourselves. Self-worth is recognizing ‘I am greater than all of those things.’ It is a deep knowing that I am of value, that I am loveable, necessary to this life, and of incomprehensible worth.”
In short, having a healthy sense of self-worth is to understand that every human being has inherent value, no matter who they are or where they come from. It is not reliant on career standing, financial assets, connections, where you live, how you dress or anything material for that matter.
### How Modern Society Views a Person’s Worth
Modern society is built on production and productivity of tangible things and skills. Pride is taken in how much you can maximise your time. The ‘I’ll sleep when I’m dead’ mindset reigns supreme. It is a society that emphasises on ‘more’, for better or for worse. More choices, more money, more hobbies, more pleasure, more, more, more.
People size you up and decide your value based on your job and and where you work at, how much money you have, who you know, how you look and more. This isn’t only applicable to societal roles, but also in the selection of romantic partners and friendships. Nobody wants to be associated with a supposed nobody.
### The Sick, Old & Disabled Have Always Been Viewed as a Burden
The opinion that the sick, old and disabled are a burden isn’t a new concept. This is understandable during times of bleak survival. The healthy have a higher likelihood of survival and propagation. Nature isn’t something we can fight against, and often it is the physically strong who survive.
But we are living in an era where we can thrive, and go beyond the mere need to survive. We are living in an age where [self-actualisation is more within our grasp than ever](https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/beautiful-minds/what-does-it-mean-to-be-self-actualized-in-the-21st-century/) (Kaufman, 2018). **The belief that the sick, old and disabled are a burden, then, is an insult to our** [**creativity and humanity as human beings**](https://blogs.icrc.org/law-and-policy/2019/07/30/power-of-humanity-being-human-now-future/) **(Slim, 2019). Did we devolve our way to ignorance and complacency?**
## The Process & Importance of Building an Identity
The building of an identity is a long, experimental [process that begins in our childhood](https://www.thoughtco.com/self-concept-psychology-4176368) (Vinney, 2024). [We observe our parents and the world around us](https://www.verywellmind.com/the-importance-of-a-childs-social-identity-1066758), and learn what’s socially acceptable or not (DiMaria, 2023).
With more access to resources and ideas as teenagers, we increase our experimentation of self. We travel to ‘find ourselves’, experiment with fashion, associate ourselves with music and book genres, pick up new or improve on hobbies, cultivate friendships, indulge in our sexual appetites and more.
Our identities give us a sense of value and pride. It is our presentation to the world, and [gives us a sense of belonging and definition](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00049530.2021.1883409) (Allen et al., 2021).
Read Related Posts:
- [Are You a Capable Person? What Does That Even Mean?](https://achronicvoice.com/capable-person-meaning/)
- [Why ‘Easy’ Part-Time Jobs are Not That Easy for Those with Chronic Illness](https://achronicvoice.com/part-time-jobs-not-easy-chronic-illness/)
- [Disability & Sex: Disabled People are Not Automatically Bad Sexual or Romantic Partners](https://achronicvoice.com/disability-and-sex/)
- [Top Tips for Travelling with Chronic Illness & Disability (From a Girl Who Loves to Travel)](https://achronicvoice.com/travelling-with-chronic-illness-disability/)
- [Why it Feels Like Suicide is an Option When You Live with Chronic Illness or Disability](https://achronicvoice.com/suicide-chronic-illness/)
## The Chain Effect When Your Self-Identity is Systematically Destroyed
When your self-identity takes a major hit, all the [facets of your selves](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/347514075%5FFacets%5Fof%5FSelf) (Vimal, 2020) start to topple like a string of dominoes, gaining in speed as the pieces fall. The self-image we have spent our entire lives thus far building is being [brought into question](https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/eight%5Freasons%5Fto%5Fdistrust%5Fyour%5Fown%5Fperceptions) (Suttie, 2020).
Pin to Your Loss of Identity & Chronic Illness Boards:
### The Initial Grief Experienced with the Loss of Health & Loss of Identity
“I love to hike. Who am I now if I can’t hike? Will I ever experience that feeling of standing atop a mountain again?”
“I love to drink. Who am I now if I can’t even take a sip of wine? How do I handle social situations? Will I become a laughing stock?”
“I love to dance. Who am I now when I can’t even get my legs to coordinate? Will I ever experience that joy of expression again?”
“I love to teach and I am a mother. [Who am I now when I can’t work](https://hbr.org/2021/02/when-you-lose-your-job-and-its-your-whole-identity) (Zucker, 2021), or take care of my kids? Am I a bad person? Am I of any use now?”
“What sort of partner am I now, when my vulva or bladder hurts all the time and sex has to be a cautious affair? Am I no longer desirable or sexy?”
As you can see, a lot of what we base our identities on is what brings us status, joy, a role that we hold dear and/or a sense of fulfilment. They are reflected in activity, not passivity. If you’re doing no-thing, then you’re a no-body whom no-one wants to be associated with because you belong no-where. You have nothing of value to offer, or so it seems.
### The Loss in Facets of Your ‘Self’
[Self-identity or self-concept isn’t only one thing](https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/theory-knowledge/201404/one-self-or-many-selves) (Kaufman, 2018). It is a multi-faceted diamond that consists of: self-worth, self-efficacy, self-esteem, self-confidence, self-value, self-actualisation and more. Each of these have their own psychological definitions and effects on a person, and all of them take a major blow with the loss of identity.
Our self-worth collapses, as we question our value in society, to our family, friends and even to ourselves. This has a devastating effect on our confidence and self-esteem. Things you used to be able to do with ease now take colossal effort. Spontaneity is replaced with a need for endless backup plans. Activities that you enjoy require that you meter and pace your limited energy supply.
Read Related Posts:
- [Why Self-Acceptance is Important When You Have a Chronic Illness](https://achronicvoice.com/self-acceptance-chronic-illness/)
- [Dating with Chronic Illness (and What I’ve Learned)](https://achronicvoice.com/dating-with-chronic-illness/)
- [Grieving the Life That I Will Never Have](https://achronicvoice.com/grieving-the-life-i-will-never-have-chronic-illness-disability/)
## The Need for Self-Acceptance When There is No Answer
I have no easy answer or magical solution for dealing with that loss. We all have different coping mechanisms and cope with loss in different ways. Our upbringing, past and life goals are as rich as they are varied. Yet one thing is for certain - there is no answer to chronic illness at this point in time. It is chronic, meaning, ‘persisting for a long time or constantly recurring’.
### The Difference Between Self-Acceptance & Giving Up
I have found that the most effective and powerful way to deal with this recurrent loss is through self-acceptance. Mind you, [self-acceptance is not the same as giving up](https://drdavidhamilton.com/the-power-of-acceptance-its-not-about-giving-up/), as it is often confused with (Hamilton, 2024).
Instead, self-acceptance redirects all that energy that we spend fighting into rebuilding instead. It turns an unproductive activity into one that [might help to improve our quality of life](https://peerj.com/articles/259/) (Garcia et al., 2014). As Socrates puts it, *“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new”.*
When you give up, there is a sense of despair and lost hope. There is nothing else to look forward to in life. Self-acceptance on the other hand is empowering.
There is a sense of peace that settles on your being, when you let things go and let them be. There is more freedom to flow, as you no longer struggle against the tide. You may not know where you’re going, but you understand that things will always be okay, somehow.
Read Related Posts:
- [Chronic Illness is Unpredictable, but You Don’t Always Have to Fear the Unknown](https://achronicvoice.com/chronic-illness-unpredictable-dont-fear-unknown/)
- [365 Mindfulness Journaling Prompts for Self-Improvement](https://achronicvoice.com/365-mindfulness-journaling-prompts-for-self-improvement/)
- [12 Lessons on Mindfulness (or ‘How to Relax’ by Thich Nhat Hanh)](https://achronicvoice.com/lessons-on-mindfulness-thich-nhat-hanh/)
- [Asking for Help (and Why Everyone Needs to Learn this Important Life Skill)](https://achronicvoice.com/asking-for-help-life-skill/)
### Self-Acceptance is the First Step Towards Healing
I also know full well that it’s also not easy to accept that you’re chronically ill or disabled. After all, I spent a decade of my life since I was first diagnosed fighting against my illnesses. I told myself that I would never give in and ‘let chronic illness win’.
After many years, at the peak of exhaustion, I realised how futile that mission was. I realised that I was actually fighting against myself and that the battles will never end. So why not work with instead of against my body?
The help of an excellent psychologist was paramount to my healing, and healing consists of more than just the physical body to encompass the mind. I learned that happiness can exist despite the horrors of pain, and that it can cohabit the same space. It doesn’t have to be an either or situation, as society would have us believe.
Pin to Your Self-Acceptance, Chronic Illness & Healing Boards:
Read Related Posts:
- [How to Use the 7 Dimensions of Wellness to Thrive with Chronic Pain](https://achronicvoice.com/dimensions-of-wellness-thrive-chronic-pain/)
- [40 People with Chronic Illness Share Their Best Pain Management Tips (What to Do if an Unforeseen Pain Flare Hits)](https://achronicvoice.com/pain-management-tips-pain-flare/)
- [Sometimes, Physical Pain Isn’t the Worst Part About Chronic Illness](https://achronicvoice.com/worst-part-about-chronic-illness/)
- [Life with Chronic Illness: Happiness & Pain Can Co-Exist](https://achronicvoice.com/chronic-illness-happiness-and-pain/)
- [An Inspirational Poem on Miracles, by Thuli Zuma](https://achronicvoice.com/poem-on-miracles-thuli-zuma/)
## How to Harness the Power of Self-Acceptance to Rebuild Your Identity
### Look Towards the Future, Instead of Harping on the Past
You can only start to rebuild your identity when you accept your circumstances. Certain things lose their power the moment you accept them to be true, because they can no longer prey on your thoughts. Take your self-confidence back.
When you acknowledge your new reality as a person who is chronically ill or disabled, you [enable yourself to look towards the future](https://hbr.org/2020/08/take-ownership-of-your-future-self) (Hardy, 2020). Gazing at the past through rose-tinted glasses and puppy dog eyes will not change your life for the better. But everything can change in the present moment and beyond.
In his TED talk, [*The Psychology of Your Future Self*](https://www.ted.com/talks/dan%5Fgilbert%5Fthe%5Fpsychology%5Fof%5Fyour%5Ffuture%5Fself), Harvard psychologist Dr. Daniel Gilbert (2014) shares his research on a phenomenon he calls the "end of history illusion". Human beings are constant works in progress, yet it's easier to believe that our current state is finalised.
Another crucial viewpoint he shares in his talk is this:
> “If your identity narrative is rooted in the past, your past will determine your behavior. But if you intentionally decide who your future self will be — and find the courage to share that vision with others — it becomes possible to actively transform into that desired future self.”
### What Happened When I Accepted Who I Am & What I Was - Chronically Ill
As mentioned above, self-acceptance is liberating. When I started to embrace my identity as the ‘sick girl’ instead of trying to regain the ‘tough girl’ persona, I ironically [became tough again, in a sense](https://www.betterup.com/blog/self-acceptance) (Halasgikar, 2025).
I no longer feel insulted each time someone identifies me as being chronically ill or disabled. Therefore, association with that identity no longer stirs up feelings of self-doubt, self-hatred or shame within me.
### Letting Self-Worth Take Root & Grow
We all have our strengths and weaknesses, regardless of whether we’re healthy or not. These traits cannot be measured with a point system, or filtered into fixed data. As human beings, there is always potential lying ahead of us. As Leonardo di Caprio said, *“Every next level of your life demands a different you”*.
Pin to Your Self-Acceptance, Identity & Chronic Illness Boards:
Read Related Posts:
- [Call Me Sick Girl (Or How to Make Your Weakness Your Strength)](https://achronicvoice.com/sick-girl-make-weakness-strength/)
- [Every Next Level of Your Life Will Demand a Different You](https://achronicvoice.com/next-level-life/)
- [Kick Ass With Kindness and a Sweet Cherry on Top](https://achronicvoice.com/kick-ass-with-kindness/)
- [Interview on ‘The Uninvisible Pod’: What I’ve Learned From Living with Chronic Illness for 20 Years](https://achronicvoice.com/interview-uninvisible-pod/)
- [There’s No One Way to Live Your Life](https://achronicvoice.com/no-one-way-live-your-life/)
### The Need to Accept & Enhance Our Strengths
As we work on our weaknesses, so do we need to accept and enhance our strengths. **There is only one you, and that is a powerful thing.** What is it that you, and only you, can do? What about in this very moment and space?
When my perceived ideas of productivity and my ideal and idealistic personas were stripped away, I was left to stare at myself in all my vulnerability. This is who I am, but I had covered it all up like many others have. I had forgotten how much power I actually possessed as a human being, whilst trying to rack up points with people who don’t matter to me.
### Focus.
Actions speak louder than words. Where are you focusing your time and energy, and what or whom for? Where do your priorities lie? If the things you take pride in are all suddenly taken away from you, who are you, then?
### Re-Imagining the Path Towards Your Life Goals
The things that we do are manifestations of who we are, and not the other way around. The once healthy version of you and the chronically ill version of you can still achieve the same ideas, even though the medium might differ. Goals are still attainable, even if the path may look a lot different.
I have come to understand that I am no less human than the next person beside me. We return to dust just the same. But what we leave behind as legacies can last beyond lifetimes.
Read Related Posts:
- [I Have No Purpose in Life, and Therein Lies My Life Purpose](https://achronicvoice.com/i-have-no-purpose-in-life/)
- [Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl: 16 Takeaways with Chronic Illness](https://achronicvoice.com/mans-search-for-meaning-chronic-illness/)
- [It is \*Always\* Possible to Make Time for What Matters Most](https://achronicvoice.com/make-time-what-matters-most/)
- [7 Reminders For Those Bad Days to Keep You Going](https://achronicvoice.com/reminders-for-bad-days/)
- [Don’t Compare, Your Life Destination is Your Own Special Mission](https://achronicvoice.com/dont-compare-life-destination-special/)
## Speaking Up for Myself
Being chronically ill has taught me that my self-worth is not determined by opinions, judgements or society’s often warped values. When they no longer have an influence on me, I am then able to advocate for myself and my needs. I learned to speak up and ask for the help I truly need, because there is no shame in being chronically ill. This is my lot in life, and we give and take in accordance to what we have.
I now dare to question doctors when I am being mistreated, or when my pain is being brushed aside. I ask for the medications I know I need, and referrals to specialists for undiagnosed medical problems.
Over time, I have even regained enough self-worth and confidence to advocate for not just myself, but others who are like me. For those who daren’t or can’t speak up for themselves.
Pin to Your Chronic Illness, Self-Worth & Advocacy Boards:
## Going Beyond & Advocating for Others Who are Like Me
I can use my voice and vulnerability to shine a spotlight on those who are in need, trapped under the isolating darkness of chronic illness.
My vulnerability may symbolise weakness, yet becomes a strength when used like a knife. I don’t have to put the broken pieces back together, because what would I cut and mark with, then?
When you’re no longer afraid of being seen as weak, then you are strong. Others may be wondering what it feels like to be broken, but you already know. You’re *there*, so use your broken pieces to carve your mark again.
## Sign Up for My Free Newsletter
Be the first to get the latest post updates in your inbox, and unlock the comments section. You will also receive an e-book full of uplifting messages, quotes and illustrations as a token of appreciation!
[Browse more membership plans here](#/portal/), or [make a one-off donation](https://ghost.achronicvoice.com/#/portal/support) instead.
Sign Up
Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup.
No spam. Unsubscribe anytime.
Read Related Posts:
- [Chronic Illness Quotes to Inspire, Motivate, Grieve, Hope & Laugh About](https://achronicvoice.com/chronic-illness-quotes/)
- [Useful Things to Do While on Bed Rest After Surgery: Education, Advocacy & Volunteering](https://achronicvoice.com/useful-things-to-do-while-on-bed-rest/)
- [What it Feels Like to be Refused Treatment by a Hospital’s A&E / ER](https://achronicvoice.com/refused-treatment-hospital/)
- [Why Humility is the Best Tool for Advocacy](https://achronicvoice.com/humility-advocacy/)
- [Why Painkillers are One of My Biggest Allies for a Decent Quality of Life](https://achronicvoice.com/painkillers-quality-of-life/)
Pin to Your Chronic Illness & Self-Identity Boards:
### References:
- Ackerman, C. E. (2018, November 6). *What is self-worth & how do we build it? (Incl. worksheets).* PositivePsychology.Com.
- Allen, K.-A., Kern ,Margaret L., Rozek ,Christopher S., McInerney ,Dennis M., & and Slavich, G. M. (2021). Belonging: A review of conceptual issues, an integrative framework, and directions for future research. *Australian Journal of Psychology, 73*(1), 87–102\.
- Alonzo, A. A. (2000). The experience of chronic illness and post-traumatic stress disorder: The consequences of cumulative adversity. *Social Science & Medicine, 50*(10), 1475–1484\.
- Changing Faces. (2022, June 13). *Managing loss of identity for people with a visible difference.*
- DiMaria, L. (2023, November 13). *How Kids View Themselves Can Contribute to Depression Vulnerability.* Verywell Mind.
- Garcia, D., Nima, A. A., & Kjell, O. N. E. (2014). The affective profiles, psychological well-being, and harmony: Environmental mastery and self-acceptance predict the sense of a harmonious life. *PeerJ, 2*, e259\.
- Gilbert, D. (2014, March). *The psychology of your future self* \[Video\]. TED Conferences.
- Halasgikar, M. (2025, January 14). *How to build self-acceptance and embrace your true self.* BetterUp.
- Hamilton, D. R. (2024, September 27). *The power of acceptance: It’s not about giving up.*
- Hardy, B. (2020, August 28). *Take ownership of your future self.* Harvard Business Review.
- Henriques, G. (2014, April 25). *One self or many selves?* Psychology Today.
- Kaufman, S. B. (2018, November 7). *What does it mean to be self-actualized in the 21st century?* Scientific American.
- Slim, H. (2019, July 30). *The power of humanity: On being human now and in the future.* Humanitarian Law & Policy Blog.
- Suttie, J. (2020, September 3). *Eight ways your perception of reality is skewed.* Greater Good Science Center.
- Vimal, R. L. P. (2020, December). *Facets of self.* Vision Research Institute Inc.
- Vinney, C. (2024, June 7). *What is self-concept in psychology?* ThoughtCo.
- Zucker, R. (2021, February 17). *When you lose your job—And it’s your whole identity.* Harvard Business Review.
### Comments Archives:
Comments imported from previous WordPress site.
- **Lynn Geier** Nov 20, 2022
I would like to thank you for this post. I am much older than you and retired but up until three years ago I was active, strong and busy even in my retirement. But all of a sudden in one day I was chronically ill. It has been three years and now I am trying to figure where I fit in the world and who am I. Being seventy-six is hard to find a new identity and your post has helped me along. Thank you.
- [ **Sheryl Chan** ](https://www.achronicvoice.com/) Nov 21, 2022
Thank you for your comment, Lynn. Lucjan and I appreciate it. Seventy-six truly is hard to find a new identity, especially when you’ve lived so actively all your life. Sending you lots of warm wishes.
- [ **Britt** ](https://thekaspack.com) Aug 4, 2022
Yes! Our society focuses on such a narrow view of what they deem to be valuable in life. But this limited outlook fails to acknowledge so many incredible strengths that exist. Sure, someone with a chronic illness may not be able to go out and work a physically demanding job every day — but that doesn’t mean there aren’t other areas where we can each excel. This message needs to be shared over and over until it sinks in!
- [ **Sheryl Chan** ](https://www.achronicvoice.com/) Aug 4, 2022
Thanks Britt! Yes, it’s my hope that such awareness becomes a normal part of society eventually — that’s the only way forward for humanity, really.
- [ **Caz / InvisiblyMe** ](https://invisiblyme.com/) Jun 24, 2022
“Slices of my humanity and pieces of my identity went along with them.” That’s so true and what I’ve also found, with each extra test, procedure, injustice in healthcare, and each surgery. It’s exhausting and takes a toll in ways we don’t even appreciate at the time because we’re in so deep.
Trauma is a strange one, isn’t it? I think chronic illness can absolutely be traumatic. Recognising that and validating our response is so important.
I love how you covered this with such honesty — and how you turned it around to show the power of self-acceptance. Bravo, Sheryl. This post moved me deeply 💜
- [ **Sheryl Chan** ](https://www.achronicvoice.com/) Jun 28, 2022
Hi Caz, thank you for such a heartfelt response. People like you inspire me to write 🙂 I’ll be doing a follow-up series on this soon — it’s so close to my heart. Sending love, and please know you’re awesome!
- [ **Carrie Kellenberger** ](https://myseveralworlds.com) Jun 24, 2022
Hi Sheryl,
I’ve had your post open since you published it. I’m not well right now, but wanted to tell you I SEE YOU. I HEAR YOU.
The grief is overwhelming. My son only knows me as Sick Carrie; people now only remember me that way. It’s a continuous battering against the heart and mind. I’m so glad we met. You express things I never could so well. I’ll be sharing this widely. Take care — I’m always in your corner. 💜
- [ **Sheryl Chan** ](https://www.achronicvoice.com/) Jun 28, 2022
Thank you for your unwavering support, Carrie — I appreciate it deeply. It’s heartbreaking when people only know you as the ‘sick’ one, when you used to kick more ass than most 😄 Just know you’re still amazing, always.
- [ **Despite Pain** ](https://despitepain.com) Jun 15, 2022
Sheryl, this is such a good post. You’ve explained so accurately what happens when chronic illness hits — there’s always more to pain than physical symptoms. Acceptance is key but never easy.
- [ **Sheryl Chan** ](https://www.achronicvoice.com/) Jun 18, 2022
Thank you Liz, I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. You’ve always been such a fantastic ally in the chronic illness community. Sending gentle hugs!
- [ **Lucy** ](https://lbhealthandlifestyle.com/) Jun 13, 2022
Thank you for sharing this post, Sheryl. I relate to so much of it and feel like I could have written it myself. You’ve worded it perfectly — the loss of self-worth, the remarks, the shift from being viewed as ‘hardworking’ to ‘burdensome’. I’m only recently realising that my worth doesn’t depend on others’ ability to see it. Sending love and hoping you’re okay.
- [ **Sheryl Chan** ](https://www.achronicvoice.com/) Jun 18, 2022
Thank you Lucy for reading and commenting. I’m happy for you — rebuilding self-esteem is no small feat. It really is a huge loss when illness hits, but your insight shines through. Sending hugs!
**Start a new conversation in the Member Comments below!**